Ismal, the guy I met before Christmas hardly texts me anymore. I finally realized that despite my hope that he was different, he really wasn't. He was just looking for a hook up, and I can honestly say that I can hold my head high and state for a fact that I did not hook up with him. I am not that kind of person, and I am not only very proud of myself, but I shows me how strong I am, and how mature I have become and how high my morals and values are.
Things at work are going well, I am once again studying for recurrent sim. I spent today studying performance and limitations as well as profiles for the sim come next month. I got allot done. I will be going back tomorrow to study more, provided I am not called into work as I am on reserve.
In the mist of all this, two things of come up. When I was not looking I met someone. I was at Myrna's on new years and met Dennis. I had seen him before, but what I did not know which I could come to find out is that he had a crush on me, for almost four months. I was immediately attacked to him, and he I. He is everything I ever wanted and more. Hes straight acting, athletic into hockey. Hes a bottom, although you would never know it. Hes also a native, but he is very cute and has a really nice body. He his a good heart and a good head on his shoulders. I really really want this to work. I am willing to give him the world, I just hope he's honest with me. I think he his, but im not putting my guard down for a second.
We are technically dating, he has spent the night here once so far, and I have spent the night there once, which was new years. I have spent time at his place, and he is huge cuddle whore, which I really love allot. Its exactly what I need, and whats a bonus is the sex is really good, and he is a really good kisser. I love it. I could totally see myself falling in love with him. If things continue to go well, I am going to ask him to be my boyfriend officially, hopefully he says yes.
I am praying to god this works, I could totally see myself spending my life with him, if he wants me.
A few days ago I got a text from Rene. I was totally not expecting what would be said. He told me for the first time since we broke up, which ironically will be a year next month. I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do. I am completely lost. I know this, almost always when someone is drunk, their true feelings come out...no questions asked.
The truth is, if I was not dating Dennis, I would go back to Rene, if he would have me, but I know Rene, and I know he would never do that. I am not mad at him, im not upset with him. I am glad he told me how he really feels. I love him with all my heart, and I pray for him everyday. Last we spoke he was working things out with his mom. I am happy that things in that department with him are improving, I know it was something that was on his mind.
I know this, I love him with all my heart, through and through and that will never change. I want to be his best friend for life, be there for him no matter what, I know from my end I will always be there no matter what, and so will he. As of now, I know Rene is distancing himself from me once again. I know this because this is what he does when things like this happen. So I will do my best to leave him alone for now. In a few weeks I will text him and things will be fine, and we will be talking again, and playing WOW.
As for every thing else, nothing has changed. My parents have not changed, which at this point I really do not care about anymore. Well its time for bed. I will wright again soon...goodnight.
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